Only child becomes a Big Sis

I fully took on the role of Big Sis for the first time this summer - and really enjoyed it. It's a funny feeling to accept being looked up to: initially, I failed to spot it, but after a while, I realized that what I learned from my experiences in college, in romance, and in the working world have given me a unique ability offer guidance to other people my age or younger. This came in handy with a huge crop of interns arriving at CHEJ in June and departing in early August. Until this summer, I didn't know what a difference there can be between 20 and 23!

Part of the sudden realization is that I can almost feel how much I've grown in the past 6 months or so -- like mental stretch marks. Working in the non-profit sector and gearing up for Peace Corps has separated me from a deep-seated selfishness I've had lurking for a long time. I finally found something to give myself to. In college, I selfishly pursued a degree so I could someday make money (losing lots of my zest in the process); in college, I selfishly pursued a relationship so I could feel good about myself and have an outlet for my energies. Now, although I have learned the value of money in being able to provide for future endeavors from talking to those with 30, 40 years on me, I have learned the value of giving and loving first-hand. Striking a balance is going to be hard, because vilifying money comes to me almost as a reflex to abundance, but walking that line is essential.

I've also matured as a result of a very protracted break-up of my most meaningful tryst to date. I've had tons of time to reflect and re-reflect on my actions, his actions, and everything else, such that I can understand now the objective reasons that we were not right together, quite apart from any feelings involved. I accept that with no feelings of regret or desire for revenge. It makes me sad sometimes, to finally be able to see his flaws. Love was blinding - it took a sudden sharpening of focus to know that.

As a counselor for my friends' relationships, romantic and otherwise, I find I can easily detect patterns of emotionally charged action-reaction so I try to help them to see the big picture. If only someone had done that for me! But it's a little strange to feel like a Big Sis to my friends; won't they realize how they could be thinking their way to being happier? I wouldn't deny them any support they need, though -- someday, I know they will be offering sisterly words of wisdom in my time of need.