Prizeys: Share and Share Alike

Legally, America has defined sharing alike as splitting benefits from a gift (or dead relative's estate) equally. As in, 18 fedora hats divided by 3 grandchildren equals 6 hats apiece. But here we don't often discuss socially the time and context for using shared items. I find that I have a new take on that now, thanks to living in Africa, so I want to explore reconciling my view with American standards.

Shared items: I'll call them prizeys from here on, because things that someone gives are often nice but unexpected surprises. Sure sharing CAN be unpleasant, like when someone 'shares' your razor in the shower, but we'll eschew those sneaky interactions and talk about social occasions involving prizeys.

Recently, I found myself in an awkward position when I had brought along some prizeys to share and they were received less like something fun and more like a contribution to the 'Cool stuff' cache. Weird. I totally thought farm-fresh fruit would enhance the holiday celebration by adding some sweetness to the hors d'eouvres tray! I also thought everyone could enjoy reading/ripping on trashy magazines for the road trip! But Americans are such damn good planners, there's no room for contributions from their well-intending friends - except as a token "thanks" gesture. So then, I wonder if I am supposed to take back my gift and distribute it myself so it can be used properly - used in *that* setting, and shared among people who are THERE! People who LOVE fresh fruit! And magazines! Is it possible a group of people could learn to divide things up in America, or do I have to pre-package for all the individuals present?

I too have fallen into the planning trap during the past 9 months of re-civilizing. Around dinner when I get hungry, I tend to plan lots of shared labor when making dinner for Devin and I. The big idea is obviously "let's eat, and fast! all hands on deck!" .. But then I get really offended when everything is ready except the salad I have assigned to Devin, even after I set out a ready cutting board and knife! I am planning that it is dinner time and we are going to eat. I am even planning that I know Devin likes salads. But he is probably thinking that he's having fun playing video games, so when the fun subsides, he will plan to eat.

Really, I know these awkward situations come up because of expectations. Weirdly, I loved learning the sharing practice in Malawi, where I was never sure if someone was going to take a sip out of my juice tumbler, or strip my papaya tree completely bare of fruits -- rather than ask for some or share an equal portion of what I had. From that, I came to expect that sharing was going to happen - and was socially normal. Especially for super awesome tasty things. How could you enjoy it enough by yourself?? But also for tedious tasks. Why not divide the corn shucking up so it will go faster? I also expect now that I will not feel ashamed or indebted if I really want just a bite of someone else's burger - and I'm forward enough to ask for it. I also expect that they'll feel comfortable sharing some of what I have - or letting other friends try. If there's enough to go around.

That 'if' can be a big issue when something AMAZING comes in a single-portion that others would really enjoy trying. One time some friends and I treated ourselves to a fancy tourist restaurant while on a break from village life, and I ordered the *most* delicious sandwich. Somehow, I was the only one. Well, after it came and wafted its smell everywhere, my friends all decided they wanted to try it too -- so they traded me for some of their *less* delicious sandwiches. What a pickle - I was quickly running out of the sandwich I'd hungrily chosen, but I also had a chance to be egalitarian and generous with other Americans starving for luxuries like cheese and ice cream. So what did I do? Luckily, someone pointed out my dwindling sandwich and thankfully, trade requests stopped. I got full on the less-savory options and even had enough left to savor the flavor of my heavenly sandwich. I was full. I had shared. We were all happy. All single portions can be subdivided, and with good results.

I also expect that contextually-appropriate gifts be appreciated and used for more awesome enjoyment. Yes, at the moment that I give them. Yes, with everyone present (as long as they're not allergic). But I guess that my struggle with receiving as an act of "packing away" means that I'll just have to start explaining more so my expectations are understood.

Let's practice:

• "Here is some cake. I know it's your birthday and there are a lot of people around, so why don't we cut it and put it on the counter with some plates and forks."
• "Here are some magazines; I thought we could read them now because we have 5 hours in the car, and enough magazines for everyone to start with one of their own." Or,

Sure, I could be acting completely ridiculous. But I happen to think Americans might actually like opening their minds to further enjoyment, even if it's unexpected and unplanned. That does NOT extend to anything like prizey pregnancies. Don't worry, Mom. But I do think a few extra strawberries aren't going to ruin the day.

(pics from SonataCrew and viralbus on flickr!)