Prizeys: Share and Share Alike

Legally, America has defined sharing alike as splitting benefits from a gift (or dead relative's estate) equally. As in, 18 fedora hats divided by 3 grandchildren equals 6 hats apiece. But here we don't often discuss socially the time and context for using shared items. I find that I have a new take on that now, thanks to living in Africa, so I want to explore reconciling my view with American standards.

Shared items: I'll call them prizeys from here on, because things that someone gives are often nice but unexpected surprises. Sure sharing CAN be unpleasant, like when someone 'shares' your razor in the shower, but we'll eschew those sneaky interactions and talk about social occasions involving prizeys.

Recently, I found myself in an awkward position when I had brought along some prizeys to share and they were received less like something fun and more like a contribution to the 'Cool stuff' cache. Weird. I totally thought farm-fresh fruit would enhance the holiday celebration by adding some sweetness to the hors d'eouvres tray! I also thought everyone could enjoy reading/ripping on trashy magazines for the road trip! But Americans are such damn good planners, there's no room for contributions from their well-intending friends - except as a token "thanks" gesture. So then, I wonder if I am supposed to take back my gift and distribute it myself so it can be used properly - used in *that* setting, and shared among people who are THERE! People who LOVE fresh fruit! And magazines! Is it possible a group of people could learn to divide things up in America, or do I have to pre-package for all the individuals present?

I too have fallen into the planning trap during the past 9 months of re-civilizing. Around dinner when I get hungry, I tend to plan lots of shared labor when making dinner for Devin and I. The big idea is obviously "let's eat, and fast! all hands on deck!" .. But then I get really offended when everything is ready except the salad I have assigned to Devin, even after I set out a ready cutting board and knife! I am planning that it is dinner time and we are going to eat. I am even planning that I know Devin likes salads. But he is probably thinking that he's having fun playing video games, so when the fun subsides, he will plan to eat.

Really, I know these awkward situations come up because of expectations. Weirdly, I loved learning the sharing practice in Malawi, where I was never sure if someone was going to take a sip out of my juice tumbler, or strip my papaya tree completely bare of fruits -- rather than ask for some or share an equal portion of what I had. From that, I came to expect that sharing was going to happen - and was socially normal. Especially for super awesome tasty things. How could you enjoy it enough by yourself?? But also for tedious tasks. Why not divide the corn shucking up so it will go faster? I also expect now that I will not feel ashamed or indebted if I really want just a bite of someone else's burger - and I'm forward enough to ask for it. I also expect that they'll feel comfortable sharing some of what I have - or letting other friends try. If there's enough to go around.

That 'if' can be a big issue when something AMAZING comes in a single-portion that others would really enjoy trying. One time some friends and I treated ourselves to a fancy tourist restaurant while on a break from village life, and I ordered the *most* delicious sandwich. Somehow, I was the only one. Well, after it came and wafted its smell everywhere, my friends all decided they wanted to try it too -- so they traded me for some of their *less* delicious sandwiches. What a pickle - I was quickly running out of the sandwich I'd hungrily chosen, but I also had a chance to be egalitarian and generous with other Americans starving for luxuries like cheese and ice cream. So what did I do? Luckily, someone pointed out my dwindling sandwich and thankfully, trade requests stopped. I got full on the less-savory options and even had enough left to savor the flavor of my heavenly sandwich. I was full. I had shared. We were all happy. All single portions can be subdivided, and with good results.

I also expect that contextually-appropriate gifts be appreciated and used for more awesome enjoyment. Yes, at the moment that I give them. Yes, with everyone present (as long as they're not allergic). But I guess that my struggle with receiving as an act of "packing away" means that I'll just have to start explaining more so my expectations are understood.

Let's practice:

• "Here is some cake. I know it's your birthday and there are a lot of people around, so why don't we cut it and put it on the counter with some plates and forks."
• "Here are some magazines; I thought we could read them now because we have 5 hours in the car, and enough magazines for everyone to start with one of their own." Or,

Sure, I could be acting completely ridiculous. But I happen to think Americans might actually like opening their minds to further enjoyment, even if it's unexpected and unplanned. That does NOT extend to anything like prizey pregnancies. Don't worry, Mom. But I do think a few extra strawberries aren't going to ruin the day.

(pics from SonataCrew and viralbus on flickr!)

The Smell Of The Idiocracy

In a way, it is a blessing to be poor now, in this land of extravagance. All of the wonderful shopping opportunities - shining Christmas windows, endless aisles of similar yet different products at the supermarket -- are not really available to me. In the smaller sphere of my existence, I am surprised by the mundane, new sensations. Everything in a house has a smell - objects and substances used to clean them. Those supposedly subtle smells are constantly overpowering my nose. It seems that the people who test for scent subtlety are obvious scent overloaders themselves. Now, I have to be careful not to breathe too deeply or I will feel a little sting, like the way chlorine products burn away your smell sensors.

Wasn't Malawi full of smells? And unpleasant senses? Sure we all used latrines. But if you have pretty good aim, and a nice deep pit below you, no problem. No lingering pee smells or what have you. Nobody wore deodorant so there was definitely some bo B.O. But that's what wind is for. Rain smells great. Burning/clearing of fields is unsightly and makes a lot of ash, but the smell isn't so bad. Kinda like a cookfire. Sickness is stinky - but no Malawian would ever let an azungu see him in a visibly sick state. I wasn't too sick myself, but I do have some pungent memories of when my cat yakked tuna all over my yoga mat. That was only a one-time occasion; what I experience now is a constant barrage.

It hasn't been easy on my eyes either. Grad school applications? Hours on the computer. Some days many hours. Early morning hours, afternoon hours, night hours. Job apps, same deal. Everyone wants you to register for THEIR career postings website. Just another flavor of vanilla. (My apologies to vanilla ice cream lovers) More hours trying to decide how to fit yourself into some nice, neat webpage drop down menu. Have I had secretarial experience? Sure, that was under 'leadership' in my college activities on my resume. But it was also a winter fill-in position at a teeny company my Dad worked at 10 years ago. So.. sure, why not! I'll say yes until I get a bite and have to prove it.

We love our modern conveniences in America. New, improved versions keep coming out all the time. But why can't they coexist with my senses? Or perhaps I am the one who is an antagonist to the system, not the other way around. I need to buck up and get used to the onslaught.

Thank goodness for misadventures like accidentally walking 10 miles with Miss E. next to the Patapsco river in winter. The only threat of overstimulation there was the idea that we might have to ford the icy river on foot, since the only bridges available were railroad bridges (quite active at that -- 2 trains passed during those hours). Could have been cold and uncomfortable. But we just walked on, and eventually there was a way out. But as for my nose, there's no way I'll sacrifice dignity and wear a nose plug.. so the way out is: through.

A very American night & those that preceded it

Here's the latest culture-shock timeline:

Week 1. I go to a farm to collect dry-ish pumpkin leaves because I want to cook with them. I feel pity for the little place, so I buy a pumpkin too. Pumpkin rots before I can cook it OR carve it. Fed it to the compost pit. wtf, food doesn't last forever in America?

Week 3. I finally get added back to the cellphone plan, plus a new phone that has a little keyboard on it. Yay internets/data plan! No celebration for Halloween. I have to think of a costume? Too much work.

Week 7. Bought a computer - yeah! First laptop in 3 years. It's pretty fast, enjoying my i5 processor and free OpenOffice applications. It is a hp, so its name is harry potter.

Week 12. Dashing through the snow... A. and I meet and eat tons of yummy Indian food, then go shopping and I snag $70 jeans for $20 (they look fabulous). Then I lose my wallet. business (almost) as usual! Christmas approaching and I have many plans brewing. Preparing myself to move in with the boyfriend. He is preparing to deal with crazy heating bills because I get cold too easily. But says he is ready, because it is a small price for love.

Oh My Ears!

Whirr... external hard drive = on.
Flooding my ears is everything I missed and forgot and love - Bjork's black hole emotional spacescapes, reverbed Azure Ray musing on her favorite cities, Beirut and their quirky accordion/warbling trumpet combo, all the histrionic Blonde Redhead i could ever want. It's heaven: free choice & possessing so many beautiful mp3 and mp4s. To know that I finally have the power to avoid the Decemberists' pathetic whining (that was a training time favorite of some of the boys in my Education group in Malawi - feel free to listen if you want to!) and drown my thoughts in dreamy trip-hop! or I can check out some freestyles by rappers who I actually know now that I didn't before like Lil Wayne (thanks Devin (: ).



.. digging up some punk roots I find Fugazi's The Waiting Room, Ev's bassy/dreamy cover of the Dismemberment Plan's The City, chill again with Buddha Bar and Cafe Des Pres, get my twitchy rhythm section instincts going with Brubeck, Arturo Sandoval, Fapy Lafertin, then feel just groovy with some Eagles, Cat Stevens, CCR (video below), even Woodie Guthrie.



And who could forget about Spanish language smoothness? Put on the Juanes and crank it up! Ojos de brujo! And Indie.. there will be indie.

So what is this, some kind of nostalgic ramble? A little, yeah! I just plugged in my dinosaur-age external HD for the first time since being home in October. I don't know why I waited; music makes the world a brilliant place. In a way, I feel so out of touch since I was away 2 years with mostly pop drivel stuck in my brain, kind of a pathetic excuse for art but at least it fuels that after-dark, candlelit dance party that you need sometimes in a lonely teacher's house in a Malawian village - but now that I have some stuff that was appropriate for 2008, it can't be hard to catch up to 2010.

Shopping in my own stuff has been super fun - this maybe coolest of all! Because sweaters can only get you so excited. Having a supply of thongs again is cool, but it won't entertain for hours. But music! Now I have a solution to these long, job-less days. And a possible way to make workouts more fun. How do you like that? I might be transitioning into the 21st century in my habits! (FYI - old as hell ipod shuffle STILL works! That is, if I can get the old version of iTunes software for it)

Shaking and grooving.

Have It Your Way: Wifi Is Everywhere.

Can't believe it! Free WiFi at the most ubiquitous place in America, even more populous than starbucks. I had *heard* that the internet is everywhere but I didn't really believe it. Now I'm watching football in front of a weird flashing fake fireplace on a squishy couch at Mickie D's.

Here are some of my early observations / culture shockin thoughts after being back in America for a few weeks, since October 3, when I came back from Africa where I lived for 2 years:

• 495 Capital Beltway driving is scary
• Blowdryers & Makeup are fun!
• Why does my family need 5 cars?? That's ridiculous.
• Salads are delicious
• Refrigeration is revolutionary, if it comes from the right need (ie. food not booze)
• TV is a dangerous time suck
• It's hard to walk from one destination to another. That makes it hard to get exercise!
• Why are so many people treating me like 1 of a number of cattle? Doesn't seem right.
• Americans aren't used to touching, but they seem to like it / be OK with it sometimes.
• Men (&women too!) spend all day looking at idealized images of the human body so anyone who looks any different is hated on/hates on themselves.
• Water tastes icky, and there's really no variety in flavor. Mmmm, chemicals.
• Bar bitches are mean
• Pavement/tarmac is pretty ugly and has an effect on me that is the opposite of relaxing. It's everywhere in 'Merica. I guess because walking on the tarmac used to be the most crowded, dangerous place in Malawi, I'm still not comfortable. Where the mountains? Trees? Maize fields??

I published this first in my Malawi blog because I'm finished my service in Malawi! Time to blog about America some more.